As alluded to in last week’s column, planning and hosting a party in real life can be an onerous undertaking: exhausting, time-consuming, prohibitively expensive, and usually disappointing.  In contrast, putting together a celebratory event solely on the plane of the imagination is a more or less stress-free affair – especially if you follow my carefully thought-out guidelines for laying on the perfect dream bash.  In this week’s column, I will be providing helpful hacks related to choosing a suitable fantasy venue, as well as suggestions about the sorts of food to serve your guests.

Location, location, location: it’s every bit as relevant to entertaining as it is to real estate.  Providing a venue that is both comfortable and elegant is of paramount importance when I am drawing up my plans for a truly first-class fantasy fête.  The advantage of inviting my imaginary friends across the threshold of my figmental environs, as opposed to my somewhat squalid real life digs, cannot be overstated.  Just imagine the look of delight on the faces of my illusory acquaintances as they find themselves dancing beneath lavish chandeliers in the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles, for example.  Or sipping 1959 Dom Perignon from crystal flutes aboard the Orient Express or the Concorde.  And, obviously, you are not stuck with the same old place for each and every get-together.

Nor do you have to worry at all about booking in advance.  It could be the Taj Mahal one weekend, and Graceland the next.  The Sydney Opera and the Pantheon; Buckingham Palace and the penthouse of the Burj Khalifa: all are available at the drop of a hat, no reservation or deposit required.  (If, like me, you are already thinking about hosting a phantasmal Halloween extravaganza, I would suggest, as an offbeat suggestion, a masked costume ball in Area 51.)

Then, once you have selected the setting for your special gala, it is time to think about the sorts of nibblies you might serve.  Unlike in real life, where budget constraints mean one is sometimes tempted to serve Whiskas cat food and pass it off a tuna tartare, you can really splash out on dream canapes.  Remember, too, that, like cost, environmental sustainability and dietary restrictions need not be factored in.  In stark contrast to my friends on the quotidian, mortal plane, none of my chimerical comrades has an aversion to seafood, is gluten or lactose intolerant, or is allergic to seafood.  They will, with enthusiasm, eat whatever illusory fare is put before them, with no threat of legal reprisals.

My suggestion is to look beyond the obvious, here.  Sure, lobster and beluga caviar are delicious, but (take my word for it) so are filet of snow leopard and mermaid ears in aspi.  When in season (which is whenever you want) Atlantean scallops are a rare treat, as are Venusian truffles.

Hopefully, these little tips have already got you mulling over some ideas for your own bacchanals in the future (or in the past, if that’s what you prefer).  I would advise you to hold off just a little bit longer, though, as next week I will be offering up some more sensible suggestions for the perfect dream do, including who to invite, what music to choose, and even what to talk about.

Until then, bottoms up!