Posts By: El-ahrairah Jones

El-ahrairah Jones

Seen But Not Heard

Be a good little boy and eat all your food, or you won’t grow up to be big and strong like me. Be a good little girl and don’t get in the way when Mommy’s trying to do the housework. Be a brave little boy and don’t cry. It’s just a little blood. Be a… Read more »

The Secret Curses

Say it’s early in the morning and my dog shits on the neighbour’s lawn. If I’m pretty sure there’s no one half-hidden behind drapes watching me, I won’t pick it up. Would you? Maybe, I’ll bend down and pretend to scoop it into my inside-out shopping bag. Just in case. Just for show. If I’m… Read more »

Woke Up Hungry

I woke up hungry this morning. Fixed myself toast and waffles. Fat sausages glistening on the plate. Pale yellow egg yolk running all over. But I was still hungry. You ever had that? You know what I mean? I realized that maybe it wasn’t food I was hungry for. I went to the mall, loaded… Read more »

Here’s What They’ll Tell You

We value your business. We know who you are. Your call is very important to us. We can make you smell better. You can’t be too careful. The price of freedom is the eternal vigilance of closed circuit video cameras and private security forces. It’s dangerous to stand out in the crowd. Everything was better… Read more »

Shadows and Souls

Let’s say that on a Tuesday morning a child in Manitoba will be reported as missing, as abducted. By Wednesday afternoon, we will be discussing it across the backyard fences and around the office water coolers. By the time the workday is over, we will forbid our children to ride their bikes to the corner… Read more »

Parade Day

All along the sun-drenched Avenue of the Affluent, the cheering throngs are gathered. Right at the very front, there are the few hundred or so very important industrialists. Occasionally, they turn to entertain and enlighten the crowd with their talking-head hand puppets, calling out the news of the day. There are the hangers-on, the brightly… Read more »

About the Danish Cartoons

I have seen some of the Danish cartoons and their irreverent portrayal of Mohammed and of Muslims in general. They are crude, racist, tasteless, and not very funny. As examples of the editorial cartoonist’s art, they are pretty low on the quality scale. In my opinion, they are also a shoddy collection to have to… Read more »

The Upside of the Flip-Flop

So David Emerson, former heavy-hitting Liberal cabinet minister, saw fit to defect to the ranks of Stephen Harper’s Conservatives. In one way, I completely agree with the public dismay. In a breathtaking and blatant exhibition of arrogant careerism, Mr. Emerson chose to betray the predominantly left-leaning voters in his riding who cast their ballots for… Read more »

The Gap Widens

If you want to catch a glimpse of what he future may look like, you could do a lot worse than spending a few hours wandering around downtown Vancouver on a Friday night. Walk up the line of haute couture chain stores called Robson Street, for instance, and see the wealthy twenty-somethings carrying shopping bags… Read more »