Posts By: El-ahrairah Jones

El-ahrairah Jones

Cover Letter

Dear potential employer, Thank you for taking the time to review my résumé and employment application. As you can see from my past work experience, I have devoted many years of my life to unfulfilling, uninspiring and low-paying jobs, so I should have no difficulty adjusting to the conditions of your workplace. Over the years,… Read more »

It’s hard to be hopeful when voting

This is a very difficult column for me to write, and one that I’m not sure that I should be writing at all. However, it’s been preying on my mind since our latest British Columbia provincial election back on May 17th. Before I get into it, let me clarify a couple of things for the… Read more »

Won’t Get Fooled Again

The manufacturer of luxury cars promises you a whisper quiet drive. The cigarette company commends, you’ve come a long way, baby. The plastic surgery clinic asserts that it’s all about me, myself and I. The beer maker offers purity and a glimpse of a happier life. A sixty-dollar scarf from the high-end clothing store will… Read more »

Gimme Gimme: A Prayer From the Dying

I want the good things in life. I want to feel sexy. I want to feel that high that I get when I buy something that my friends want too. I want convenience. I want to buy goods and services so I’ll be treated with respect. I want access to information twenty-four seven. I want… Read more »


It’s all the selfish bastards out there ruining the world. If I were in charge, if I had any power to change things, the world would be a different place. No more homelessness, no more poverty. Unfortunately, everything is run by a handful of greedy, power-hungry individuals and corporations, and I’m just a regular Joe…. Read more »

Degrees Below Zero

Once upon a time the dissenters and the subversives would be put in stocks in the town square. They were put there as examples, as warnings to the rest. There, but for the grace of authority, sit you. They would be pelted with stones and clods of dirt and rotten vegetables by all the lucky… Read more »

Claims Adjuster

“See that guy over there asking for money? Here’s the thing: I give money to that guy, even so much as one single dollar, and I’m a marked man. I’m a marked man he sees me again on the street. Go to the butcher’s, ‘Gimme a dollar’. ‘Hey, gimme a dollar’ when I walk to… Read more »

One Dark Night

You’re out wandering on a dark night of the soul in a thin, cold drizzle. You’re not sure of your directions. Your sneakers are wet, your feet are cold, your wind breaker is too thin. You never should have come here. Why did you come here? The lights are out and the buses have stopped… Read more »

Lost in the Supermarket

Saturday afternoon and I’m at the supermarket to buy some painkillers for my cracked tooth. The security guard looks like Dim from Kubrick’s screen version of A Clockwork Orange. He has his hand at the throat of the elderly homeless man, has him pinned up against the side of the Coke machine. Seconds earlier the… Read more »