Dear Barb – Getting and Avoiding Kids

Dear Barb:

I am in my early thirties and I recently completed a methadone program due to my addiction to pain killers. During my years of drug addiction my parents had been raising my daughter and now they won’t give her back to me. I am thankful they were there to care for Paige, but I really want her back and I feel I’m capable of taking care of her. I don’t want to have problems with my parents and I don’t think it would be good for my daughter to just take her from her grandparents, as she is very attached to them. I want to do what’s best for my daughter. I am not sure how to handle this situation and keep everyone happy. Thanks, Amanda

Hi Amanda:

Congrats to you for completing your methadone program! You were fortunate to have your parents care for your daughter rather than CAS take her into care, as you would definitely have a difficult time getting her back. Your parents may be fearful you will relapse and their granddaughter will have to go through the trauma of losing her mother again. I agree it is not in the best interest of your daughter to just take her away from your parents, however if they do not have legal custody you could take her back and there is nothing they could do about it. A gradual transition from grandparents to mom will give everyone time to adjust. As well, your parents will eventually become confident that you are able to take care of your daughter once you have her back full time. Good Luck with this new phase in your life.

Dear Barb:

My husband is turning 40 and I would like to have a surprise party for him. I want to invite our friends but I don’t want any kids at the party and I don’t want to offend anyone. Therefore I’m not sure how to communicate this to my guests. Should I write it on the email invite, or would it be more personal to call everyone?

Dear Julie:

It impossible to go through life without offending someone. Understandably you would not want a houseful of children, as it is an adult party. My suggestion would be to add a note to your email invitation similar to the following: “This is an adult party and your children would probably be more comfy at home in their own beds, rather than hanging around with a group of grownups. Looking forward to sharing this celebration with you.” Be prepared as some people may be offended by their children not being invited, you can’t please everyone.

Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.

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