Dear Barb – Sister Has a Right to Know

Dear Barb:

I don’t know what to do! My sister, who is two years older than me, has always been my best friend. We hang out together, double date and have consoled each other when no one else could. We are in our early twenties now and Karen has been involved in a relationship for the last couple of months. Since I did not have a boyfriend I have been spending a lot of time with Karen and her boyfriend. The three of us have become very close and get along great, maybe too great!

Last week we were all supposed to go out to a dance club. Unfortunately Karen became ill and was not able to go. She insisted the two of us go without her. I was reluctant, but thought it would be okay since we were all good friends. The evening began okay, but as we were dancing I could feel something happening between Randy and myself. We began dancing closer and he kissed me. I hate to admit it, but I enjoyed it at the time. However, after the fact I feel awful. I feel like I have betrayed my sister.

I’m not sure if I should tell her what happened. Randy and I have discussed it and both agree it was a ?moment in time? that will never happen again. I really need some help with what I should do.


Hi, Melissa, thanks for your question. How do you know this will not happen again? I’m sure you didn’t intend it to happen the first time. What if a similar situation occurs, and you and Randy go out?would you feel completely confident to be alone with him? Probably not. Once a line is crossed, it is always easier to cross it the next time.

My suggestion is for you and Randy to tell your sister the truth. She will be upset and angry at both of you, but if your relationship is strong she should be able to forgive you. Whether she chooses to continue the relationship with Randy will be a personal choice.

If you decide not to tell your sister, you will always have this in the back of your mind. If she chooses to marry this man you may have doubts about his fidelity, but will not be able to warn your sister without telling her the truth. Also, if you do not tell your sister what happened and you decide not to spend as much time with her and her boyfriend, she may wonder why you are not hanging out with them. Consequently this may affect your relationship with your sister.

Ultimately the choice is yours, but as the old saying goes ?the truth shall set you free.?

Best of luck, Melissa.

Email your questions to Some submissions may be edited for length or to protect confidentiality; your real name and location will never be printed. This column is for entertainment only. The author is not a professional counsellor and this column is not intended to take the place of professional advice.

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