Dear Sandra

Dear Sandra,

I have doubts about my relationship; hope you can help! I don’t know if I’m in love or in love with the idea of being in love?? How do you know if a relationship is right or wrong? How do you know whether to stay or move on to greener pastures? My boyfriend is a good guy, but I just don’t know if he’s the one for me??

Confused in Saskatoon

Dear Confused,

Relationships are never easy. The torrent of emotions we experience when we are in one can change our perceptions of it daily. One day you believe you’ve found your prince charming and the next day he’s turned into a frog. Life is full of chances and risks and only you can decide whether this man is the one for you or not.

To help you decide, ask yourself these questions:

1. Has anyone ever loved you as much as he does? Love is a powerful emotion that can help alleviate some of his flaws. If his love is intense and he shows it by making you feel special, isn’t that more important than his idiosyncrasies or your perception of how love should be?
2. If you met him today, would you fall for him? Is he still the kind of man you are looking for? Are you still physically, emotionally and intellectually attracted to him?
3. How would you feel not interacting with him every day? If he is your best friend as well as your partner, losing him as a sounding board will be tough. Can you imagine day to day life without him?
4. Is he capable of changing? If something is bothering you about him, give him the chance to change. You’d be surprised how quickly changes can come about when love is on the line.
5. Will you be better off without him in your life? Use a pro and con list (in your head or on paper) and see if losing him is really a gain to you.

Of course the grass could be greener, but what if it’s not? Everyone wonders if they are with the right person at one time or another, but what is the definition of the right person? Does everyone really have someone out there who is a perfect match, if so what defines a perfect match? The jury will always be out to lunch on these age-old questions. Do what you feel is right.



This column is for entertainment only. Sandra is not a professional counsellor, but is an AU student who would like to give personal advice about school and life to her peers. Please forward your questions to Sandra care of