Dear Barb—Are you struggling with a long distance relationship?

I am beginning first year university and so is my boyfriend.  We have been dating for about a year and are very compatible; in fact we have never even had an argument.  Although since we have both been working full time, we haven’t spent a lot of time together, but I can see us getting married one day.  He is everything I want and we love being together.  The problem is we are both going away to different universities which are about two hours apart.  I am concerned about him meeting all these new people and us drifting apart and possibly him becoming involved with someone else.  I talked to him about it and he assures me that it’s not going to happen, but I still have my doubts.  I know I won’t meet anyone else because he is the perfect person for me.  I can’t seem to stop thinking about this.  I need some advice, not sure how I can stop feeling so insecure.  Thanks, Katie.

Hi Katie:

Great letter, I am sure a lot of people are feeling as you do, especially at this time of year.  You realize that this is an insecurity, however you have to make sure these feelings do not grow out of control, as that can lead to jealousy, which can trigger all kinds of other problems.  It is important that you try to address what is causing your insecurity.  Are these feelings a result of your relationship with your boyfriend or is it something personal to you.  You mention that you are sure you won’t meet anyone else because he is the perfect person for you, it sounds like you don’t believe he feels the same way.  Maybe you should discuss this with him; it may calm some of your fears.  There are certain things you both can do which may help to make your long-distance relationship work.  For example, try to get together at least once a month, and make it a special event.  Go out to dinner or a show.  You can also keep in touch on Facebook and other social media outlets, but you need to maintain the physical connection as well.  Social media will be an important part of your relationship, to enable you both to keep up to date on what is new with each other.  Send special emails and chat on webcam often.  It’s essential that you be a part of each other’s lives and when possible spend time with each other’s new friends.  Another way to connect is to actually sit down and write a handwritten letter to each other.  Often it is more personal and far more romantic to put your innermost feelings in a letter, plus it’s kind of nice to open your mailbox and find a handwritten letter from that special person.  Good luck, Katie and enjoy university.

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